Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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