In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
