I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
