Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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