Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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