i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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