Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
