he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
