I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
