i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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