she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
