Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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