He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
