so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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