I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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