dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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