I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
