i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
