i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
