Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
