Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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