you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
