I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
