Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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