That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
