I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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