I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
