i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
