i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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