I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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