I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
