ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
NoShamevember. You game?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
