I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
