Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
