I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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