I've blown a few things in my day
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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