ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
