omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
