Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
