If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
