He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
