I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
