he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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