I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
