i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
