meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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