I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
