My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
