I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
