the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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