Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
